Men’s Quick Start Guide to Dating Women
DATING TODAY
“What Dating Really, Really is all About!”
1.1 Introduction
Dear Lucky,
I know you’re lonely so I’ve decided you need some help so you are going to hear
the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth from me about women.
How to talk to them.
How to date them.
And even how to eventually get one to marry you.
I’m sure your girl friends say that you are kind of cute but that you sure are so
awkward around them. You blush and stutter around and act like you would
rather be having a root canal than having to try to carry on a civilized
conversation with them. As soon as they say, “hello”, you are looking longingly at
the nearest exit.
And am I right about this? Almost dead certain!
Honestly! I don’t believe you have had a real “date” since you reluctantly asked
Jody (or whatever her name was) to the senior prom. As I recall, the date ended
early - way too early for a senior prom date.
That was several years ago.
You are well into your twenties now and it’s time you started actually asking
women out on real “dates” and not just hanging out somewhere in a group. I’m
here to explain a few important things about dating grown women to you before
you go out there, fall on your face and embarrass both of us (yes, I’m on your
side!). So pay attention, here.
When you decide to date women after I have taught you everything you need to
know to get them to date you, I am NOT to be held responsible. I DON’T want
you breaking their hearts and I certainly DON’T want them to break yours.
That’s true and, frankly, there are a couple of them that I think would make a
great sister-in-law. Now understand that there’s no rush, only a “someday”. And
if that “someday” is ever going to happen, though, I have got to get you out there
dating.
It’s obvious that you have a lot of guy friends and that you have a lot of fun just
hanging out with them when you aren’t working or going to class. They seem to
think that you are funny and really good company and, I must say, you always
look like you are having a good time when you are with them.
That’s great! Good friends are important. You have guy friends. But then, you
seem to be stuck with only guy friends (no, I’m not implying that you’re gay nor
am I hinting it).
I’ll bet that you haven’t even asked a girl out on a real date. And it’s about time
you did! You, big brother, need to expand your horizons so listen up!
Oh, one more thing before I begin: I will be revealing some secrets about
women to you that I bet you didn’t know before you read this book. And promise
me - you are NOT to share these with your buddies. You don’t need the
competition and I don’t need to be black listed among those of my gender who do
hold some secrets near and dear to their hearts.
So, listen carefully, take notes if you want to but don’t share this information
about how to talk to women, how to date women and how to impress them
enough for them to want to date you the second time and many times after that.
Actually some of this stuff is so elementary, I’m surprised that you don’t already
know it but you obviously don’t... so here goes!
TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST
“You Can’t Be Dating a Hot Girl Like This without Conducting Some
Extreme Make Overs, Right?”
2.1 What do You Want?
Before you can decide which woman you want to date (will be covered in the next
part of this book so we’ll get there soon), you need to decide what you are looking
for and expecting to get from the date.
When you begin dating, try to know what you want from your dating partner. All
of us date for different reasons. Sometimes these reasons are unknown to our
conscious mind. You need to seriously ask yourself what you want from your
dating partner.
You need to understand what makes you tick so that you will ask the right woman
out on a real date.
Maybe:
• You are an honest guy,
• You hold truthfulness in high esteem,
• You are a hard worker,
• You really despise laziness.
Do some serious thinking about yourself because the character traits that are
important to you today are always going to be important to you.
Now, taking your in-depth understanding of yourself into consideration, you
need to think about exactly what you expect to get from the dating process.
Important! If you only want to date because everybody else that you know is
dating and you are feeling really left out and alone, that isn’t a good reason. You
know yourself better than that. You have never done anything just because others
were doing it. There’s no point in starting to date just because others are dating.
Warning! If you only want to date for the purpose of satisfying your own
biological urges and one-night-stands are going to be your thing, then at least
practice safe sex. There’s no need for you to die young. You won’t like yourself
much if you do date for that reason, however. You have always been a person who
believed in honest relationships. You still do.
Dating for the purpose of finding a person who will share your joys and sorrows
like a good friend is a pretty good reason to join the dating scene. Nobody wants
to face life alone. But you do need to be honest with your dating partner that
friendship is your main objective. You don’t want to mislead a woman into
thinking you are looking for a permanent commitment if you aren’t.
If you are dating so that you will have someone available to just adore you, faults
and all like mom does, get a dog and save the poor woman a broken heart.
Having a beautiful woman on your arm just to impress your friends isn’t a good
reason for dating. You can find other ways to impress your friends that won’t
cause anybody to be hurt. Buy a sports car.
Remember that everybody wants something every time. The woman you date
wants something… and you want something, as well. Dating women who actually
expect and want the same things out of a relationship that you want and expect
will not only narrow your search it will also make your dating experiences much
more enjoyable and rewarding.
Knowing exactly what you want brightens the possibility of getting it. Oh, and to
dispel the “Ms. Perfect” myth while we’re at it:
2.2 Waiting to Meet Ms. Perfect
If you seem to be waiting for Ms. Absolutely Perfect to wander into your line of
sight – you keep waiting and waiting for the woman you have been dreaming
about – then in reality, you are getting nowhere.
It must be really tough. Do you think you are just a victim of bad luck and that’s
the reason Ms. Perfect hasn’t appeared in your life yet? Or have you decided that
maybe Ms. Perfect only exists on movie screens and not out here in the real world?
BINGO! DING! DING! DING!
You’ve got it! She DOESN’T exist anywhere except in your imagination and on
movie screens.
The truth of the matter is that the reason Ms. Perfect hasn't appeared has nothing
to do with your luck, good or bad, but everything to do with you and the fact that
you are busy looking for a person that doesn't exist! You can't date with your eyes
closed and some impossible dream in your head. You'll get so caught up in this
whole exercise of dating that you forget to look for the qualities you seek! You
haven't met the person of your dreams because you aren't looking for the things
that will make them close enough to perfect for you.
You are so confident that every woman you have met could not give you what you
wanted. But what was it that you wanted in the first place? Once you are sure of
what you want, you will know exactly what to look for in your woman. What are
the qualities that you feel are necessary in a person? What are the attributes you
are willing to make a compromise on? Have you thought about all these?
Remember, that nobody on this earth is perfect. Everybody has faults - some
faults bigger than others. Some are faults you can overlook and some are faults
that you couldn’t overlook on your best day and if she was the most beautiful,
most sexy woman on the planet.
Yes, I know you will want your date to like you and to enjoy being with you. What
is equally important, however, is that you like her and enjoy being with her.
When you first begin any relationship it is important to have an exit route
planned in advance. When the chemistry isn’t there, there isn’t much point in
wasting your time and energy (not to mention your money) on a relationship that
isn’t going to happen anyway. The sooner you discover irreconcilable differences,
the better. The less you have invested in the relationship, the easier it is to end it
(maybe even before it begins).
Remember! When you meet a woman, however hard you try to impress others,
you cannot control their thought processes. Instead, it’s far better to concentrate
on your needs and desires, and how much of what you need would be fulfilled if
you dated this woman. Do you like what you see? Does her personality appeal to
you? What are the topics she likes discussing, what are her general likes and
dislikes?
Does her intellect match yours? It’s critical for you as you are the one who is
seeking to meet Ms. Right… not Ms. Perfect.
2.3 How to be Romantic
It might not sound like such a desirable thing to be called a “romantic man”. But
wait a minute. Doesn’t whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing depend on who it
is that thinks you are a romantic man?
Your poker playing buddies calling you “romantic” might be cause enough to
punch somebody in the nose. On the other hand, if the woman you are dating
calls you “romantic”, that is a very good thing. Just because you like pampering
your lady doesn't mean that you are any less a man than any other man. You can
spend your day finishing your basement, working on your car, just getting your
hands dirty so to speak but at the end of that day there's nothing quite like the
look of love and care on your significant others face when you cook an
impromptu dinner for her. And the benefits of what happens after dinner, or even
before you get dinner done, far outweigh any negative connotations being labeled
a romantic have.
So what is it exactly that makes a woman see a man as romantic? Most of the
time it's the little things that women notice. A glance, a quick touch or brush
across her back. Sure, flowers are nice, but haven't they almost become a clichй.
That's not to say women don't like flowers because they do, but if that's all you've
got then it will only go so far. You have to mix it up, change your style and use
your imagination to create romantic moments.
The key factor in creating romantic moments is to put the lady’s likes ahead of
your own.
Creating romantic moments is so easy it’s a wonder every man in the world
doesn’t “get” this. All you have to do is think of an activity built around something
she likes to do. Does she like shopping (not something men even like to think
about much less do), fine dining, walks on a beach, watching movies and the list
goes on. It's all about doing something she likes with her. What will make
such activities seem even more romantic to her is if you choose to do something
she likes to do with her when a ball game is on TV that you could be watching
with your buddies. She will feel chosen. And that, my friend, is VERY romantic
indeed.
It doesn’t matter which activity to choose to participate in with the woman that
you want to think of you as romantic. The trick is for you to be totally involved
mentally in the activity and not staring off into space or obviously just wishing it
were over so you could go do what you really want to do. Remember this is you
trying to be romantic so concentrate on the project at hand.
Here is another little hint: The more that you dislike the activity that you
choose, the more romantic it makes it for her that you chose to do it with her. The
fact that it was your idea sends the romance factor through the roof.
It really is so very easy to create romantic moments. With only a little thinking
and planning, romantic moments can happen every day and at the most
unexpected moments. Being romantic is a win/win situation. There is no reason
not to make romantic moments happen at every opportunity.
2.4 Mind Your Appearance!
Now, about your appearance: those old baggy jeans and sloppy sweatshirt that
you find so comfy are the first problem. You see yourself as comfortable. Women
see you as a slob - BIG turn off.
Important! There is nothing wrong with wearing jeans and sweatshirts if you
are only hanging out with the guys and don’t have any desire whatsoever to
impress a woman you might meet. You could even look fine in the jeans and
sweatshirt if they were both clean, fit well and hadn’t been picked up off the floor
of your bedroom and put back on this morning when you got up. Lounging
around the house in those clothes are fine but before you actually open the door
and walk out of this house, you need to shower, shave and put on clothes that fit
and that are cleaned and preferably pressed, as well. You never know who you
will meet when you leave home so when you leave home, leave dressed to meet
the love of your life.
The next important thing is your posture. DON’T slouch! Slouching tells
women that you aren’t very confident about yourself.
Which comes to an interesting thought: ever wondered why most women
are attracted to men in uniform?
You see, men have always thought that women were attracted to men in uniform
e.g. soldiers, sailors, pilots, etc. but the uniform has nothing to do with it. It’s
their posture that attracts women. They look so confident - so sure of themselves.
They look like they are ready, willing and able to face the world, fight the battles
and win. In short, little brother, they look like THEY think they are winners,
which makes women believe they ARE winners. Quit slouching and stand up
straight. Look the world in the eye.
Now let’s talk about your haircut. Dad goes to the barber shop every couple of
weeks and has his hair cut the same way it’s been cut ever since I can remember.
Granted, the hair is a bit thinner on top now and he is getting gray around the
edges but basically, the haircut it the same. Now days, men have hair STYLES,
not haircuts. Yours needs to be styled in a way that makes you look successful.
Don’t go for one of those weird cuts that the kids and the punks wear. Go to a
good men’s hair stylist and get it styled in a way that you can easily take care of it.
And, for goodness sakes, keep it combed.
Personal hygiene or the lack thereof, is the first thing a woman notices about a
man. Your fingernails need to be neatly trimmed and clean. Using a scrub on
your hands to keep them from being rough is a good idea.
You need to go to the dentist and have your teeth whitened or get one of those
over-the-counter products and whiten them yourself. There isn’t any excuse these
days to have dull yellow teeth.
Another thing: you do not have to have pimples. There are products on the
market to help clear up your complexion and if you need more help than what is
on the market, take yourself to a dermatologist. Medical science has progressed
far enough that a pimple occasionally is all that you really have to suffer through.
Acne is from the dark ages.
Women also like to see a man who looks healthy and spends time out of doors. A
pasty while complexion, even if it clear isn’t very appealing. It doesn’t look manly
to women if a man is too pale. You don’t have to go out and spend hours working
on a tan. There are tanning salons where you can acquire a healthy looking light
tan in a few hours even if you spend most of your time in front of a computer.
Don’t wear cologne or after shave that is so strong is will overpower the most
expensive perfumes a woman can buy as any price. Your cologne or aftershave
should be s very subtle scent and should not be discernable from across the room.
Shoes! Shoes are important. A woman will always check the shoes a man is
wearing. Here, again, clean and neat is more important than what the shoes cost.
A pair of Gucci loafers that are overrun and unkempt will impress her, not at all,
whereas, a pair of shoes that were purchased at a chain store that are clean and
polished will likely make her take a closer look at the guy who is wearing them.
Shoes that are appropriate for the occasion are important, too. A pair of
expensive running shoes worn with a suit and tie won’t get you very far with the
ladies.
Women would never want to date a man who wears more jewelry than she does.
Your bling bling can’t out shine her bling bling. So go light on the jewelry and
make sure that what you do wear looks masculine and appropriate for whatever
the occasion is.
I don’t think you smoke, but don’t - and don’t dip or chew either. All of them are
nasty habits that will turn women off.
Don’t ever get drunk in public and never, ever, EVER use any drugs of any kind.
Women see all of those things as, not only bad habits, but dangerous ones as well.
I’m going to tell you something, drinking might make you feel braver when you
want to approach a woman but if you are drinking, or high on anything, she will
know it immediately and she will RUN the other way if she has a brain in her
head.
So let’s review:
• Dress neat, clean and appropriately.
• Stand up straight - don’t slouch.
• Get a good hairstyle and keep your hair combed.
• Be clean. Take a shower every day at least once.
• Keep your hands and nails clean and as callous free as possible.
• Whiten your teeth and keep your breath fresh.
• See after your complexion and keep a light tan.
• Keep your shoes clean and wear appropriate ones for the occasion.
• Don’t wear too much or too powerful colognes and aftershaves.
• Don’t wear too much or inappropriate jewelry.
• Don’t smoke, dip or chew.
• Don’t use drugs or drink to the point of getting drunk.
2.5 Women Love Confident Men!
Women really do love a self-confident man. Self-confidence is not to be confused
with being cocky or over confident. Women can’t stand cocky and over confident
men.
Being confident is demonstrated in many ways. Have you ever had the chance to
start a conversation with a woman, but you didn't want to interrupt her or put
pressure on her… so you never took the chance? Most people are unconsciously
seeking PERMISSION… constantly… to do every little thing. But to improve your
success with women, you need to break out of this cycle and learn to give
YOURSELF permission and that takes some self-confidence.
The way to gain some self-confidence is to find guys who are good with women
and watch them start conversations. By seeing THEM do it, you'll feel more
confident for YOU to do the same. And you'll begin to see plenty of areas in your
life where you can gain self-confidence to act -- where other men hold back. A
man with the freedom to take action when and where he wants is rare -- and
women find this kind of "bold" (read self confident) guy VERY attractive.
Self-confident guys can point out things about themselves that less secure men
would try to over compensate for or hide altogether. One of the best things you
can do to stand out from other men is to let go of any "hang ups" you have about
your insecurities. The fact is… EVERY guy has them. Most men try to cover them
up… but the more they try, the more insecure they appear to women. And women
HATE this. It's like when a woman wears way too much makeup -- it's obvious
she's covering up something BAD.
Men who are really self-confident believe that they are deserving of success. Deep
down inside, most men don’t really believe they DESERVE success… especially
with attractive women -- and it shows. Not believing that you deserve success is
caused by a lack of self-confidence.
Women can sense this kind of guy a MILE AWAY. If you don’t feel deserving of
women, you'll come up with all sorts of interesting and creative ways to
"sabotage" yourself.
Instead, you need to look inside yourself and cultivate the belief that a woman
would be LUCKY to be with you. Go ahead and write down three reasons why this
is true. When you truly believe that you deserve success, you'll stand out "head
and shoulders" above other men and you'll attract women like a magnet. Self
Confidence does that for you.
Self-confident men aren’t jealous and clingy. Some men feel "left out" if a woman
wants to do something alone or with friends other than HIM. Ever have a girl you
really liked tell you, "I'm so excited! I'm going out with my friends to this concert
on Saturday or maybe it was camping or some other fun event.
And INSTANTLY you felt jealous or sad -- like you just LOST something? That,
my friend, is a lack of real self-confidence.
Every woman wants to be with a mature and self-confident man -- and by mature,
I don't mean STUFFY, BORING and OLD. I mean, a man who "gets" what it
means to be a MATURE ADULT and completely self-confident about who he is
and where he is going in life.
Now that we’ve got the basics of taking care of yourself first down, let’s check out
what the opposite sex really, really wants and how understanding them is vital to
your dating success – first time or not.
UNDERSTANDING
3.1 What Do Women Really, Really Want?
Ahhh…the age-old question! What do women want?
There isn’t a list. The answers to that question are as varied as the situations that
cause the question to be asked in the first place. Women want different things at
different times and in different situations. When it comes to dating and
relationships with men, however, we do have some common wants.
Most women say they want to find a ‘good man’ they can love. This is true to
some degree. To women ‘love’ as the most significant need they want fulfilled in a
man. However, the reality is a little different from our beliefs. Love is wonderful
but women do seem to be attracted to other characteristics and traits long before
love develops. Basically what women want in this new millennium hasn’t changed
much from what they wanted millions of years ago. So, what is it that attracts a
woman to a man?
A lazy man will never get a woman’s attention much less a date. Women respect
and look for a man who works hard, more than just about any trait or
characteristic. If a man is not afraid of hard work, women know they will be
always cared for. A man who is willing to work long hours is seen as tenacious
and someone who is reliable. Women know at some level that a man who works
long hours is a person who is able to give them stability. Women are attracted to
men who work hard. Of all the characteristics a man can have this is one of the
most important that women look for consciously or unconsciously.
Kindness is an irresistible trait in a man for most women. “Kindness” doesn’t
mean being weak or being a soft touch. Kindness means treating all living things
gently - most especially kids, animals, old people and anyone who is weaker. The
simple act of holding a door open for a person in a wheelchair witnessed by a
woman can cause her to swoon over a man.
It might sound a bit old fashioned, but women like a man to have good manners.
If you just open a door for her to walk through in front of you, she will be
impressed. Pulling her chair out before you sit down in a restaurant will make her
think a lot more of you. Holding her coat could cause her to fall hopelessly in love
with you.
Good table manners are a must. Just remember what mom has been preaching
all through the years and you’ll do fine. Don’t talk with you mouth full. Don’t put
your elbows on the table. Don’t slurp your soup.
A man with a strong sense of personal, social, and business mastery is attractive
to a woman. You must not brag but letting a woman know that you are socially
responsible and active in community affairs is important. She will see you as a
caring and respectable man.
Women want to see that a man as the ability to make a commitment. More
importantly, she wants to see that when he makes a commitment, he keeps it. If a
man has “committed” to meeting at a certain place and at a certain time, a
woman will see him as being unable to keep a commitment if he is late or doesn’t
show up at all.
3.2 Where to Meet Women to Date
Meeting women that you would actually want to date and, maybe eventually,
bring home to meet mom and dad, isn’t as hard as it sounds. There is, of course,
the singles scene out in the bars and clubs all over town but I don’t recommend
that one. It’s not that just bad girls go to bars; it’s that it is hard to tell the good
ones from the bad one.
Here are some places you will consider offering your thoughts to:
At Work
You meet women at work, too, but there again, I don’t recommend dating them.
The problem with that is that, if things don’t work out, you will still have to work
together and the situation could be awkward to say the least.
Your Friend’s Friends (and maybe their Friends)
Your friends know women that you haven’t met - sisters, cousins, etc. Ask them
to introduce you to them. But, big brother, do avoid blind dates. Those things
hardly ever work out and you can spend a lot of money for a very uncomfortable
evening.
Clubs & Organizations
The best places to meet women that you might actually want to date are at clubs
and organizations that you belong to. You will already have something in
common with them and will have had the opportunity to see them interact with
other people and that tells you a lot about a person. If you aren’t already involved
with any clubs or organizations the, for heaven sakes, join some. Find ones that
are all about something you are interested in.
There are clubs and organizations that cover just about anything you can think of
from astronomy to zoology - from archery to Zionism - and single women are
involved in all of them.
Church
Church is an excellent place to meet women. If there aren’t any single women in
the church you go to now, visit other churches until you find one where there are
single women. The church itself will provide you with an opportunity to get to
know the woman before you ask her for a date. You will be a lot more
comfortable and so will she.
Civic Organizations & Political Campaigns
Get involved in civic organizations. Women love men who are civic minded. They
admire men who are willing to “give back”. And what about political campaigns?
You will meet a lot of young women who are passionate about politics.
Online Dating Service
If all else fails, join a good online dating service. You will meet a lot of eligible
women. You can read their profiles and see pictures of them. After you get to
know one well enough to ask her for a face-to-face meeting, be sure that you plan
the meeting during daylight hours and in a public place. Men aren’t the only ones
who are predators, you know. People aren’t always who the say they are online so
just be careful. Oh, and if one of them ask you for money, don’t give it to her and
don’t continue to chat with her either - she is a gold digger.
Recommended dating site: http://www.glistens.net/xxxblackbook
One last thought on the subject of meeting women: you are a good
looking guy and women will love to date you no matter where you meet them but
you will enjoy dating women that you have things in common with.
3.3 Which Women to Date
I often wonder why men always want to date the prettiest but dumbest girl in a
room. Can you explain that one to me? Mostly women don’t want to date the
most handsome but dumbest guys, although, I must admit, some do. They go for
the big, handsome DUMB jock types. It’s the old “head cheerleader dating the
star football player” thing like it was in high school. But grown women are more
interested in what a guy is in his heart rather than what he looks like on the
outside.
Don’t be one of those guys who only see what a potential date looks like
physically. It is a lot more important that she be interesting, funny and that she
shares your interests. Women are people who have interests and lives that existed
before you met them. You should use dating as a vehicle to learn as much about
them as you can.
One important question to ask a potential date (and this should be done
very carefully and with a lot of tact) is, “What happened to end your last
relationship”? The answer will tell you a lot. If she takes all the blame herself, that
isn’t a good sign. If she puts all the blame on the last guy, that isn’t a good sign
either. If she says that they parted by mutual agreement and remain friends that
is a very good sign. Just be sure that you are not the rebound guy or being used to
make another guy jealous.
Women come short and tall, thin and not-so-thin, brunette, redheaded, and
blonde. None of those attributes will tell you whether she is honest, loyal, funny
or fun to be with. None of them will tell you whether you really want to date her
or just be seen with her in hopes of propping up your make ego.
Remember this, friend, the object of dating is not dating. The object of dating is
to be with a woman long enough and in enough different situations to find out
how much you like her or, maybe, love her. By dating you find out whether a
woman is potentially the mother of mom and dad’s grandchildren and a person
that you want to share your life with. Dating should be seen as a journey to a
desired destination…not an unending road trip.
When you choose which woman you want to date, consider the whole person and
not just the outside. Look for the qualities that you most admire in all people…not
just women.
Choose women who share your view of life in general. That is, you love to ski and
hike. A woman whose idea of physical exercise is going to the mall is not the one
for you.
Don’t choose a mama’s baby either. She is the one whose every sentence begins
with, “Mama said….” She isn’t looking for a date. She is looking for a father figure.
You, big brother, are NOT a father figure. Or she may be looking for a son-in-law
for mama.
Warning! Beware of gold diggers, too. These crafty ladies will drag you to the
mall and con you into buying “stuff” for them. Until you actually marry a woman,
it is not up to you to support them. You don’t need to give them money to pay
their rent or buy them a lot of expensive things.
ON YOUR FIRST DATE
“And How to Make it Right!”
4.1 Where Should We Go on a First Date?
That is an age-old question. Cave men had it made. They firmly believed in
kidnapping and taking their date to a filthy cave out in the middle of nowhere.
Those were what was known as the good old days. Now days first date
destinations and plans are a little trickier.
But firstly, let’s cover where NOT to go on a first date!
The Movies
The old standby of dinner and a movie (believe it or not) is a really poor choice
for a first date. How will you get to know the lady if you are sitting in a darkened
theater with a movie being shown? If you choose the movie, there is probably
going to be a lot of frantic car chases and a lot of blood involved. Neither are
conducive to creating a memorable evening.
Your Parent’s House
Don’t take your date to your parent’s house. She will know right away that you are
a mama’s boy and you will never see her again.
The Sleazy Bar
Don’t take your date to a sleazy bar with a motel out back. You will scare the poor
woman to death. She will jump out of the car and hitchhike back to town
believing that she would be safer with a burly truck driver than with you.
Dig? Now, some good first date ideas are:
Begin with a Simple Lunch or Coffee Date
You want to keep the date casual so suggesting meeting up for lunch or coffee can
be a good start. This way, if the date didn’t go so well, you can end the date there
but if you enjoy each other company, you have the rest of the day to spend getting
to know each other better.
The Amusement Park
If it is the season, an amusement park or a theme park is a good first date idea. It
doesn’t matter how old you are, we can all be big kids at heart. There’re so much
you can do at amusement parks and theme parks that most likely you will forget
about the dating pressure and just have fun.
The Musuem
Most well populated areas have an array of museums covering many different
subjects. Visiting one that is dedicated to something that you have in common
with the woman is another good first date idea.
Other Places to Consider
• If you know that she likes to bowl, take her to a bowling alley.
• Go to an arcade and play games.
• Take a walk on a sandy beach if there is one within driving distance.
• Go to a children’s playground if your date is occurring during hours that
the playground won’t be occupied with a lot of children.
4.2 What to Talk About on a Date
OK, think about this: why do you like your guy friends? Why are your best friends,
your best friends? Simply because you enjoy each others company, right? They
make you laugh, they intrigue you, they stimulate your mind, or they fascinate
you. Whatever it is that they do for you, when you are together, you get feelings of
pleasure. Otherwise, why else would they be great friends?
The exact same principle applies to a date. You want your date to have fun and
you want to have fun with them. You want to ensure that the conversation is
interesting and stimulating to both of you.
First let’s define conversation. Conversation actually comes in two forms. There is,
of course, the spoken word but there is also body language.
Body language always speaks first in any conversation. When you are confident
your body relaxes, becomes more open, you lean in, you smile, and you become
more animated. When you are tense or not at ease with yourself, you will be
sitting back, crossing your legs, maybe your arms, your mouth will barely break a
smile, and your eyes will be searching elsewhere in the room. Knowing this will
allow you to convey confidence with your body language.
Your verbal dating conversation skills will largely be judged on how able you are
to create a conversation that your partner enjoys. Ultimately, that leads to you
getting more dates. If you’re thinking this is obvious, yes it is! The question is:
HOW to create an interesting conversation?
Your dating conversation will be made up of you both asking and answering
questions. If you ask the right questions, your partner is going to have fun. If you
ask the wrong questions, they are going to ditch you. If you are evasive or less
than honest when answering her questions, she is going to ditch you quicker.
Important! Questions are powerful. Funny thing is that when a person is asked
a direct question they somehow feel obligated to answer it. Here are some
conversation starter question ideas for your first date:
• What do you love to do in your spare time?
• What do you particularly enjoy about that?
• If you could go on a fantasy holiday, anywhere in the world, where would it
be and what would you do?
By asking these questions you will cause your date to recall pleasant past
experiences and share them with you.
I won’t go into what the wrong questions are, but I trust you are a pretty smart
guy and you can probably figure what those are without any help from me.
4.3 Five Deadly Dating Mistakes
It never ceases to amaze me that men tend to make the same five deadly dating
mistakes time after time after time. It doesn’t seem to matter if they have been
dating for a long time or if they are new to the dating scene. Maybe these
mistakes are just genetic. I know they are universal.
If you want to impress a woman and have a second or third or many more dates
with her here are three things that you must not to do and two things that you
must do.
Mistake #1: You Talk about Yourself Too Much
Most guys try to impress women by talking all through a date. Women have heard
it all before. But, if you ask her about herself, shut up and listen, and display a
SMALL degree of interest, she will begin to wonder why you’re not slobbering all
over her. She will want to discover more about you herself. Now you are a
challenge, and women love challenging guys. Why? Because they rarely meet one,
that’s why.
Mistake #2: You Don’t Know How to Ask Questions
Asked questions require answers. Come up with a list before you leave the house
like: How did you get into that line of work? Where did you go to school? Have
you seen the new Tom Cruise movie? And so on. If a woman tells you about her
weekend at the yoga center, and you know absolutely nothing about yoga, just ask
her what she likes about it, how she got into it, etc.
Mistake #3: You Don’t Show Your Appreciation
Compliments makes a woman see that you are observant and women like
observant men. Show some appreciation. Simply find something you like and
mention it. You may be freaked out by the idea of complimenting a woman on her
soulful eyes, so mention her watch, dress, hairstyle, or even her shoes. No need to
go overboard: “Nice shoes,” will do it…just don’t over do it either.
Mistake #4: Quit Trying to Impress Her
Be yourself. Exaggerating or boasting your credentials, successes, etc will only
make the woman lose interest. Make her feel at ease so that she does not feel
pressured to impress or lie to you. Sincerity is the best policy. Everybody feels
more comfortable around people who are genuine and sincere and not “putting
on the dog”.
Mistake #5: Treat Her Like Royalty
Open doors and car doors for her. Pull out her chair at a restaurant. Help her take
off her coat and hold it for her when she puts it back on. The morning after the
first date send her a small meaningful gift or some flowers. Show her that you
value her company. Women loved to be showered with attention and pampered
by her man. For the subsequent date, Cook up a meal at home and spend the
evening watching movies. NOT action packed adventure movies that involve a lot
of car chases and blood, play board games or just listen to music that your both
enjoy.
There really isn’t a lot of mystery surrounding successful dating. By using
common courtesy and good manners you can be very successful at dating and be
able to enjoy the company of whichever woman you choose to be with.
4.4 Who Pays for What?
Back in mom and dad’s day that was an easy question to answer. The man always
did all the asking and always paid for everything. That was a long time ago and
things have changed a lot. Back in the old days women rarely worked and if they
did, it was at very low paying jobs. They never made anywhere near what a man
made for doing the same job so it was fair that the man paid all of the expenses
for a date. Since then women have gained a lot of traction in the work force and
make salaries more comparable to the salaries that men make now. So the
question of who should pay for what is a fair one.
When a man asks a woman out on a first date, he should be prepared to pay for
all of the expenses of the date. But that only applies to a first date. After that who
pays for what gets a little more difficult to define and depends on many different
things.
For example: if the woman makes as much money as you do, then you shouldn’t
pay for all of her entertainment expenses unless you are very, VERY serious about
her and are trying to impress her.
“Who gets the check” seems to be a modern version of the old battle of the sexes
and who has the upper hand.
Self-supporting, independent, successful women sometimes deeply resent the
idea of not paying their own way. Men have been known to slip the waiter an
extra tip to see to it that the check is delivered to their side of the table at the
strategic moment that a woman is preparing to pay for it. Is it because he wants
to appear masculine and “in charge”, or is it because he would be embarrassed to
have a woman pay for his dinner, or because he really likes the woman and wants
to pay? Women…even the self-supporting, independent, successful ones, have
trouble determining the man’s motive.
If the woman asks you out, then it is safe to assume that she intends to pay for the
evening’s festivities but you should still offer to pay for your part. You don’t want
to look like a freeloader. If she does pay for an evening out, it is only a matter of
good manners that you should reciprocate.
After you have been dating the same woman for a few months, you should easily
fall into a pattern of who pays for what and when. If your salaries are more less
equal, splitting the check is an acceptable way to go.
Eventually, if you date the same woman long enough, there will come a time
when you decide to vacation together. If you know a woman well enough to
vacation with her, then your relationship should be well enough established to
openly discuss financial matters. If it isn’t that far along, then postpone
vacationing together. If it is, then the two of you can determine who should pay
for what. In general, each of you should pay your own airfare and half of the food
and lodging since you are both going to enjoy the vacation together.
While it seems complicated, you can always go by the rule that you should at least
offer to pay your portion of the bill, or all of it if you can afford to and the woman
should do the same. Once you get closer and more committed, these questions
will be less important and you will fall into a pattern that is good for both of you.
4.5 The EI Factor
Remember! Dates don’t always go as planned. Even with the best laid plans and
attention having been paid to every detail…’stuff’ can still happen. How you react
to unforeseen, unexpected and unusual things is guided by your Emotional
Intelligence. Your basic brain power is called you IQ (Intelligence Quotient) and
it is pretty much what ever it is going to be when you were born but your EI is
something you learn with maturity.
Basically, EI is a capacity to use reason to understand one’s emotions and the
emotions of others. When someone possesses high EI, they demonstrate an
ability to utilize their emotions to enhance thinking, perception, expression and
management of themselves and those around them. It requires good self-
awareness as well as awareness of what others are feeling and expressing- both
verbally and nonverbally. Our emotions are usually demonstrated through the
level of energy we express- and tuning into the energy changes in ourselves and
those around us is a way to raise our awareness and EI.
A two- year-old who is told “no” may throw himself on the floor and have a wall-
eyed fit. A ten-year-old when faced with having a request denied may slam the
door to their room hard enough to rattle the china and pout for hours. A teenager
who is given what they consider an unreasonable curfew may resort to begging
and pleading for an extension. The idea is that as we mature, our EI is supposed
to mature along with our bodies and minds. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always
happen. Some otherwise mature and intelligent adults, when faced with
unforeseen, unexpected or unusual events, react like spoiled children. When
something unexpected happens on a date it does seem to bring out the child in
those with a low EI.
If you have a high EI, you have the ability to put yourself in the other person’s
place and understand how they feel about whatever has happened. When you
understand how another person feels, it is easy to deal with any situation like a
mature adult.
Let’s say your date is late meeting you. She is usually on time but this time she is
almost an hour late. If you have a low EI, you will most likely throw a fit and
demand an explanation that, no matter what it is, won’t be a reason good enough
to explain why you had to wait. If you have a high EI, you will understand that
sometimes ‘stuff’ just happens. You will know that she feels bad about having
made you wait and you will put her at ease about being late. She is usually on
time so you will accept whatever explanation she gives for her tardiness and move
to having a nice time together.
It is important in any relationship that both parties have high EI’s so that there is
mutual respect and security in the relationship.
When preparing for your first date, remember to bring along self- awareness and
a commitment to tune into the verbal and nonverbal messages expressed by this
other person. Make an effort to observe how you interact with friends, family, co-
workers and others- and ask for feedback from the people you know will be
honest with you. Increasing your EI is the greatest investment you can make to
ensure that all your present and future relationships will be healthy and mutually
satisfying ones.
4.6 How to Flirt Effectively
Men and women flirt differently, for different reasons and expect different
outcomes to the flirting. Some men flirt with women primarily to get sex.
However, if you put aside that outcome and flirt just to be friendly you are
opening yourself to different opportunities. You may well end up with a new lover
but if that doesn’t work out you could meet someone who becomes a good friend
and who knows who she might introduce you to. Keep your options open.
After you have exchanged glances and smiles across a room and you are fairly
confident that SHE thinks that she might like to get to know you better, send a
drink to her. But remember that ALL you are buying is a drink.
Don’t expect her to fall at your feet. Sometimes it is nice just to send someone a
drink, watch when she receives it and smile, then look away – look back again
later to show your interest. Don’t try to get a woman drunk – isn’t it preferable to
have someone like you genuinely and not because their senses are obliterated by
alcohol. And think twice if you think you HAVE to buy a drink to impress.
If you find yourself invited to her table, keep you mind on the conversation and
not on getting a date with her. Most women want to know what kind of person
they are going out with long before they actually go out with them. Make an effort
to get to know her and give her the opportunity to get to know you before diving
in for a date.
Warning! Do not ever approach two women in the same group. No woman
wants to feel like second best. Refrain from approaching one after another in the
same group. You look like a loser and the women may think you are desperate
and looking for any port in a storm. Even if you are, don’t show it.
When you compliment a woman make certain that it is a genuine compliment.
There’s nothing worse than someone giving out a load of overblown lines.
Everyone has something great about them, notice that and compliment them
genuinely.
Important! Do not ever put your hands on a woman uninvited. Some women
have no objection to ‘touchy feely’ encounters, others are horrified by it. Respect
the person until you have had the opportunity to know more about her. Touching
can be a lovely flirty action, but should be confined to the arms or resting the
hand just above the arms and NOT touching, until you know more. Test the
personal space by moving closer, noticing the reactions then moving back a little
to remove the threat.
Don’t ask for her phone number if you have no intention of using it. Flirting and
meeting people are NOT about trophy hunting they are about making new
connections and having fun. If you don't intend to use the number, don't ask.
There’s nothing worse than giving out a phone number and not having someone
call. If you asked for it, use it.
Respect yourself at all times. Women always fall for men who are that little bit
unreachable. Don't hover or grovel or act desperate. Think of yourself as special
and know what you deserve the very best.
Be exactly who you portray yourself to be. There is no point in assuming a role
you think someone wants you to play because you’ll get found out sooner or later.
Be proud of who you are and if you aren’t YET sure how you are at your best, you
might want to do some work on it.
4.7 How to Know She is Flirting With You
Most women are born flirts. Maybe they are even born into this world knowing
how to flirt. I’ve never seen volumes of material trying to instruct women in the
art of flirting. It would be about as useful as instructions on how to breathe. Men,
on the other hand, must learn how to flirt and even recognize when a woman is
flirting with them so they can return the favor. Here are some certain signs that a
woman is flirting with you:
She Keeps Glancing at You
If every time you glance her way, she is glancing your way, it’s a pretty good
indication she is flirting with you but if she drops her glance it could mean that
she is interested buy shy. Get up, walk over to her, introduce yourself and start a
conversation.
If her glance includes a smile then that is an open invitation for you to make the
first move. If she goes out of her way to get you to notice her, that my friend, is
flirting!
If, on her way from point A to point B, she takes an unnecessary detour through
point C (you), she might be trying to get your attention. For instance, if she walks
by your table "on her way" to the washroom in a coffee shop, but your table is
located at the opposite end of the restrooms, she is probably interested. Why else
would she be taking the long way? If she smiles at you on her way, consider your
job half done.
When Women Play with Their Hair, They are Flirting
A woman’s hair really is her ‘crowning glory’ in her opinion. Why else would they
get so upset over a bad haircut? When you see a woman who is glancing at you,
smiling AND twirling her fingers in her hair… go get ‘em, tiger!
If she talks to you first - that is a sure sign of serious flirting on her part. Taking
the first step to initiate a connection with you is a huge sign that she's interested.
“You Remind me of Someone I Know”
If she tells you something like "You remind me of someone I know," which begs a
response and subsequent conversation, that's a concrete sign.
Compliments are another sure sign she is flirting with you… especially if she
compliments you on your physique. Women are sparse with compliments, so if
she throws one your way, you can pat yourself on the back.
Touching you on purpose is definitely flirting. When a woman breaks the contact
barrier during a conversation, it is almost a sure sign that she's interested. It can
be as obvious as touching your arm or knee while making a point, or as faint as
having her knees come into contact with yours under the table. But you must
make sure that she makes the first skin convergence.
Laughing at your jokes when you are in a group of other people is a sure sign she
is flirting with you. When you relate a funny story, does she throw her head back
in riotous laughter or does she just look at you and say, "Is that supposed to be
funny?" Flirting involves reactions to a person, so if she acts captivated by your
words, you're in the green. Other reactions that convey approval include asking
"really?", "wow" and opening her mouth in amused disbelief.
DATING SUCCESS SECRETS
“Unearth the Arts of Seduction and Roll Them Under Your Sleeves!”
5.1 Understand What Women Really Want in a Man
Understanding what a woman is looking for in a man is the first secret to
seducing a woman. For many men, the concept of how to seduce a woman is
simply a mystery. It’s understandable, though. Men and women differ in so many
ways that it’s difficult for many of us, male or female, to really grasp how to get
inside the mind of someone who is a near polar opposite of us. You have to know
what makes the other person tick, what really gets them going, catches their
attention, and keeps it. And that is, ultimately, the key to success when it comes
to seduction. For women, that tends to be an easier task. Now, don’t get me
wrong, there are plenty of women who don’t know how to seduce a man. But on
the average it seems to be a little easier for women to figure out what you men
want.
On the other hand, men may not be so quick to figure the opposite sex out. It’s
not surprising though, women are complicated creatures. However, what women
want is not all that all that difficult to accommodate once you know what it is.
And when you do know, put that knowledge to use and it will surely pay off!
If I have you scratching your head in wonder now, don’t worry. It’s all about to
come together. There are a few things you must understand about a woman to
know how to seduce her. It’s not just roses and chocolates or a nice meal and a
bottle of wine. Though, don’t get me wrong, those are all great.
The true key to seducing a woman isn’t a mere laundry list to check off, step by
step. It’s more a guidebook on the path you must follow to completely seduce a
woman, mind, body and soul. Now if the thought of attempting to seduce a
woman’s mind or soul has you ready to run for cover, take heart, it’s not as
difficult as you may think. What really gets a woman going is much simpler than
you may have ever imagined.
Understanding the differences between the sexes will help give you a better
foundation on which to build your knowledge of women. And believe me, there’s
no better way to get to a woman than by truly understanding her. Once you can
get inside her mind, it’s all downhill from there.
Communication is ultimately the most important aspect of seducing a woman.
Like so many other aspects of our lives, effective communication is the key to
success. You want to take the time to really get to know her and what she’s
looking for. This will benefit you greatly when it comes to pleasing her, so don’t
think that getting to know your woman is a pointless, grueling task of learning a
bunch of useless information.
Patience when seducing your woman is very important. Being in a hurry will only
prove to damage any good you could’ve done by learning anything at all about
your woman. When it comes to seducing a woman, take it slow. Women want a
man to take his time, not just rush in for the brass ring. A woman wants to know
that you aren’t just playing her for sex. And the best way to prove yourself is to
take your time.
Women want to feel special. Being romantic makes women feel special. I know, I
know, you’re probably grumbling now, right? Well, let me tell you, romance is a
must. If you want to seduce your woman you have to be romantic. It proves that
you care, that you want to please her and that you know how to treat a woman
right. Romance will take you a long way in seducing a woman.
Knowing what you want in a woman is imperative. You need to know what you
want before you can ever expect to be happy. Taking the time to figure out what
you want will save you a lot of time and heartache later on.
Superficial tendencies tie in with knowing what you want in a woman. Being
superficial is a major pitfall for many people. Whether it be admiring a vehicle for
its looks and not how economical it is or how long it will last, or judging another
person based on the clothes they’re wearing or the neighborhood they live in.
Knowing what you really want in a woman and being able to overcome and
superficial tendencies you may have will really benefit you.
Amazingly, knowing what you want will pay off in another respect, as well. It will
make you happier and more confident. Both of these qualities happen to be very
attractive to women. Women like a man with a good attitude, which generally
comes from being happy and confident. Not just a nice guy, but a guy with a
positive and upbeat attitude.
Self-confident men attract more women. Why, you ask? Self-confidence is sexy.
Yes, that’s right. A man who’s confident in himself is more likely to be successful.
And success equals satisfaction. When a man is satisfied he makes a better
partner.
Being sensitive is another important element to seducing a woman. Women like a
man who’s capable of being tough and tender. I know this sounds like a tall order,
but I think it’s something that every man has in him, he might just be afraid to
show it. Or maybe he’s just not aware that he has a sensitive side.
Setting the mood for romance is a great way to seduce women. You don’t have to
wait for it to happen, you can make it happen. The effort alone will score points
with your lady, not to mention making you feel good about what you’ve done! It
may sound like a tall order, but once you know women it’s not difficult to pull
something like this off without much effort at all.
Finding out as much as you can about the woman in your life is essential. Simply
learning what you can about women in general isn’t enough. After all, just like
you men, all women are different. There are some things that most women or
most men look for or want, but each of us are unique. Learning what your woman
wants as an individual will allow you to seduce her the way she wants.
As you can clearly see now, seducing a woman is much more about her mind than
her body. Don’t get me wrong, her body is important, too. But when it comes
right down to it, the seduction of a woman starts in her mind, moves to her soul
and ends with her body. Understanding what your woman wants, likes and needs
will enable you to seduce her completely.
5.2 Confidence is Vital
When it comes to seducing a woman confidence is vital. Women equate self-
confidence with the ability to be successful. While many men believe that women
look for successful men because they’re likely to make more money, that’s simply
not true. Women look for successful men because they’re more likely to be
satisfied. That’s right, satisfied. You may be wondering what a man being
satisfied has to do with anything. Let me explain. Women know that men who are
satisfied with themselves are less likely to go out looking for someone to satisfy
them and are more stable. And in a relationship that means a man will be less
likely to cheat, or change jobs frequently or get himself into any number of other
compromising situations.
Remember, most women are looking for a man who will be their partner as well
as their lover. Not only do they want a partner when it comes to things like
companionship, decision-making and finances, but in the bedroom, as well. In
order to effectively seduce a woman you must make her feel as though you’re
equals. This is important because she needs to know that the seduction is 50 – 50,
that both of you are experiencing the same level of pleasure.
When it comes to confidence it seems there are two kinds of people, those who
have it, and those who don’t. Although on the surface this may be true, everyone
has the potential to be self confident. If you’re a naturally confident person you
may find it easy to approach people you don’t know, easy to stand up in front of a
room full of strangers and give a speech and easy to open up to a woman you’re
attracted to. However, if you’re not naturally confident this may all seem difficult.
While you may be ready to throw your hands up in defeat, don’t be so quick to
give up. Just because you’re not the kind of guy to jump up on stage and give a
speech doesn’t mean you’re not confident enough to impress a woman. Take
heart in knowing that you’re a good person, smart, funny, good at your job, loving,
considerate or whatever else you find to be positive character traits that you have.
Not all women are looking for a CEO or brain surgeon. Women just want a man
who’s confident with who he is, what he knows and what he has to offer to a
relationship with women.
If you’re unsure of your strengths, try making a list of the qualities you have that
you feel good about and the areas you feel may need some improvement. You
don’t need to delve head-long into psychology, just take some time to reflect on
yourself. You can use your strengths to build on areas that need a little work. Just
be sure not to dwell on any areas you feel you may be lacking in, as this will only
serve to make you feel even less confident.
Not only is self-confidence important when you first meet someone, it’s
important when you’re getting to know one another. You need to feel self
confident enough to be open with women about yourself. Women don’t like it
when a man is afraid to tell them his thoughts and feelings. That sort of behavior
is sure to get a woman’s defenses up and won’t get you very far in seducing her.
Remember, seduction should be built on the premise that both of you will be
equals, so sharing your minds is as important as sharing your bodies.
Confident men generally make better lovers, too. A man who feels stable in his
work, relationships and friendships tends to feel more sure of himself in the
bedroom. This works wonders in seducing a woman. A man who comes across as
confident is much more likely to make a woman feel comfortable with him and is
more likely to respond positively to his advances. Not to mention the fact that
knowing that you have what it takes to please a woman makes you a more self
assured lover who will be less reserved and more passionate.
Being self confident not only makes a woman more likely to find you attractive,
but it also makes you feel good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself
you’re more likely to have another fine character trait: self respect. Why is this
important? If you have self-respect you’re more likely to be respectful of others.
This inevitably will perpetuate a life-long cycle of self-confidence, self respect and
respect for others that will serve you and your love life well.
A person who is incapable of loving and respecting themselves is incapable of
loving or respecting others. A lack of self respect will send up a red flag to most
women and will kill your chances of ever having a relationship with that one,
special woman.
We all want respect, and by all I mean all people. As I said before, if you can’t
respect yourself you can’t respect women, and if you can’t respect them, you can’t
love them. And love, after all, is what we’re all looking for. We want it, need it and
deserve it…everybody does.
Although we don’t have to be in love to have sex, the ultimate idea behind
seduction goes beyond just having sex. It’s taking the time to please someone
completely, not just get them in bed. So, even though you may not love the person
you’re seducing, you have to, at the very least, care enough about them to want to
please them. And for women, in order to seduce them you have to respect
yourself and them.
In order to seduce a woman you have to be capable of respecting her completely,
mind, body and soul. Women want to know that there’s no chance you’re going to
try to get inside their head and play mind games with them. Women want to
know that when you put your hands on their body that you’re doing it to make
both of them feel good, not just yourself. And they want to know that when you
seduce them it’s because you want to feel a connection to them that goes beyond
just the physical connection you get from sex.
Ultimately, when it comes to self-confidence and self-respect, there is nothing
that will substitute for them. You must exude these qualities in order for a woman
to be able to pick up on them. We don’t like to search for those character traits. If
we have to chip away at layer after layer before we find what we’re looking for,
we’re much more likely to lose interest. So put your best foot forward when it
comes to impressing a woman.
Although women are not overly impatient creatures, women don’t want to have to
wait too long to see what kind of person you are. If you’re too reserved a woman
will generally start to worry that you may have something that you’re trying to
hide, which might just cause her to move on rather than running the risk of being
hurt. So flash that smile, work that charm and give your lady a chance to see how
wonderful you really are. You will most definitely be rewarded in the long run.
5.3 Know What You are Looking For
Knowing what you’re looking for in a woman can be quite difficult. Many men
think use a certain color hair of a certain physical feature as a standard by which
they choose women to approach. This will not serve you well if you plan on
seducing a woman.
Don’t get discouraged. It truly isn’t as difficult as you may think to find the right
woman for you. The very first thing you must do is resign to be very open-
minded. You need to cast aside all the standards that you may have been using
and start from scratch. Forget what all your buddies say is attractive. Never mind
what you see in the lingerie commercials on television. You’ll want to start with
the very basics of what makes two people compatible, not two lovers, but two
people in general, in order to find what kind of person works for you.
When it comes to seducing a woman, I can’t stress enough that you must have
something in common with the woman you’re trying to seduce. If you don’t
having something in common with them other than a mutual physical attraction,
chances are very, very good that the seduction will not work. For this reason, if no
other, it’s important that you take the time to figure out what you really want in
woman aside of looks.
In order to find out what you’re really looking for in a woman, you need to take
the time to consider the complete person, not just the body. You need to take into
consideration things like personality, interests, ambitions and then looks. You’re
probably wondering why I listed those traits in the order I did. Let me explain.
If you consider looks first it will tend to cloud your judgment on all the other
traits. Men tend to be very easily visually stimulated. For this reason, what excites
them at first sight tends to be what they think they want. However, if you
consider what you want in the other areas, the looks may not be so important.
You may find that a woman with a great personality that likes football and racing
as much as you do and who takes her career as a human resources director
seriously, but who happens to be a brunette with only an average build, would
suit you just fine. Personality, intelligence, ambition, sense of humor and
interests play a much bigger role in attraction than just physical appearance.
The best way to figure out what you really want is to do a lot of soul-searching
and be very objective. You might want to get a piece of paper and a pen and make
a list. Sit back and think of all the women that you know. Make a list of all the
traits and characteristics of these women that you find attractive, discounting
looks. Then make another list of all the traits that any of them have that you don’t
like or make them unattractive to you, again discounting looks.
When you’ve finished, take time to really examine your lists. You may be truly
surprised to see the results. This is a fine example of thinking like a woman,
which is a great step in the right direction when seducing a woman, by the way.
Women tend to give greater consideration to personality, intelligence, and the
other traits I mentioned earlier, than they do to physical appearance. This is not
to say that physical attraction doesn’t hold any weight, but it’s much less
important when you find someone that’s a great match for you in all the other
areas.
I’m sure you must be wondering what I’m getting at with all of this. Let me
explain. When it comes to seducing a woman, as I mentioned earlier, it starts in
her mind. In order to get inside a woman’s mind you must be a good match for
her where certain traits are concerned. You must have personalities that
compliment one another. Once you’ve found someone who has an agreeable
personality then you can strike up a conversation and move on to see if you have
common interests. When you find that you have common interests, then you have
something to work with. Now you can move on to having good conversation that
will make her feel more comfortable with you, which is a huge step in the right
direction.
Believe me, taking the time to figure out what you really want in a woman will
pay off in more ways than one. It’s not just a matter of being able to have a
conversation with them, it’s much more. The mere knowledge that you know
what you’re looking for in a woman will make you a much more confident person.
And, as I discussed with you earlier, confidence is essential, not to mention sexy.
Knowing what you want, in itself, is attractive to women. The minute women
sense that a man knows what he’s looking for it scores big points with them. As I
mentioned earlier, women not overly impatient, but women don’t like to spend
time trying to get to know you only to find out women are not your type. When
we know what women are looking for and so do you, that moves things along in
the right direction much more quickly and easily.
You will probably be very shocked to discover that simply being with the right
kind of person can be quite exciting. Something about personalities that mesh
sets things in motion in a way that you could’ve only imagined before. You’ll feel
much more at ease. And when you feel at ease with us you’ll be more prone to
opening up to us and sharing your thoughts and feelings, which women find very,
very attractive.
This knowledge also plays into another aspect of seduction and that is making
your woman feel special. Being compatible allows you to communicate better
which, ultimately, allows you to get to know one another better. The more you
know about women the more you can romance them. You’ll know what women
like, what makes them feel special, and what really makes them feel wanted. Not
only will women enjoy this, but you will, too. You’d be amazed to discover that all
the mushy, romantic things that you may have avoided over the years will give
you a great deal of pleasure, too. And the rewards you will receive from them
after planning that especially romantic evening or weekend will be sure to please
you.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, all of these tips that I’m giving you are
interconnected in one way or another. And this tip is no exception. Knowing what
you want affects many different aspects of how you seduce a woman. Knowing
what you want makes you more confident. Being more confident makes us feel
more comfortable with you, thereby opening the lines of communication, which
leads to a greater knowledge of one another.
You’ll see later on that all of these tips work together in one respect or another.
But bear in mind, none of them will work all on their own.
5.4 Don’t Judge a Book, or a Woman, By the Cover
I know this tip may sound very clichй, but it’s true. At some point or another
women are all guilty of judging something, or someone, based on appearance
alone. While it’s not right, women still seem to have that tendency to be
superficial. This type of behavior can be very detrimental when it comes to
seducing a woman. Women like to be appreciated for who they are, not what they
look like. Even those women who have great physical beauty don’t necessarily
want to be judged on that characteristic alone. Let me explain a few reasons why
to help you understand women better.
Women keep the thought in the back of their mind that one day they may want to
have a child. If and when they become pregnant, look at all the changes their
body goes through. The mere fact that their body has to expand at a very rapid
pace to accommodate the growth of the baby is frightening. And the knowledge
that their figure may never be the same is equally frightening. Women don’t want
to worry that if they become pregnant their man is going to find our swollen belly
and puffy ankles repulsive. Women want to know that despite our girth you’ll find
women beautiful. If a woman gets the slightest hint that you’re basing your
interest in her more on her physique than anything else you probably won’t get
very far with her.
Another thought that women have is that eventually we all get older and less
youthful in appearance. Wrinkles, gray hair and gravity are of great concern to
women. We know that in general, a man is considered more distinguished
looking when his hair takes on the salt and pepper look, whereas women merely
look old. A few wrinkles on a man are no big deal, but for women the first sign of
a wrinkle is cause to consider botox treatment, or more. Society has made women
terribly self conscious. And while not all of women are willing to go to extremes to
maintain a youthful appearance, women surely don’t want to be criticized for
aging naturally. This is important to bear in mind when considering what you
truly believe is important in a woman. If looks is top on your list it will surely lead
to a very dissatisfying experience for you, and your woman.
I’m not trying to say that you have to resolve to be happy with someone you find
utterly unattractive. We all have preferences in looks, personality and many other
traits that we have to abide by. It’s a matter of compatibility. But what we do have
to take into consideration is that attraction is not just a matter of physical
appearance. As I mentioned earlier, there’s more to a person than just their body.
And most of what attracts to people to each other is about what’s inside, not
outside. So take the time to find out what’s inside before you discount women
based on what’s outside.
I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m spending so much time on this. Well, it’s
simple really. When attempting to seduce a woman you have to make her feel
comfortable with you. But beyond comfort is something even more important. A
woman must know that she can trust you with her heart. To make a woman feel
that way you must be willing to accept everything about her, including the fact
that inevitably time will take its toll on her body. If women know that their man
loves who we are more than how they look it makes it very easy for them to trust
him.
To be successful with this it’s imperative that you find traits in a woman that are
more important to you than physical beauty. Concentrate on things like charm,
intelligence, honesty, loyalty, ambition, humor or anything else that you find
attractive in a personality. Next, give thought to how this factors in to the overall
relationship. Take time to think about what will make you want to maintain a
long-term relationship a woman. Now think 10 years into the future. Consider
what you and she will look like then. Do you think you’ll she’ll still be as
physically fit and physically attractive as she is now? What about your physical
appearance? Chances are neither of you will be as physically fit and physically
attractive as you are right now. But take some time now to consider all of the
other characteristics that you find attractive. Chances are they haven’t changed.
And if they have, generally it’s for the better. Spending time with a person whose
personality compliments your own makes a very positive influence on both
people. It enhances every aspect of who they are. So you can see that despite the
fact that neither of you will remain as attractive physically, when it comes to
mental and emotional attraction there is much to look forward to in the future.
And if you can tell a woman that you’re attracted to her and mean that you’re
attracted to all of her, then you’re on the right path to seducing her.
The best way to make a woman understand that you’re not superficial is to
compliment her without constantly referring to her body. Women would prefer
you compliment them on their body less and the rest of them more. This makes
them more confident that you appreciate everything about them, not just their
appearance. If you tell a woman she’s sexy, she’ll instantly assume you’re
referring to her body, never mind the fact that she has a very sexy personality.
You can be successful at this by complimenting women on how good they are at
their job, how funny they are, what a great smile they have or any number of
other things. This doesn’t mean you should never compliment them on their
physical appearance. Just find a nice balance.
There’s one last thing to remember about avoiding the tendency to be superficial.
When you open yourself up to the idea that you could find more about a woman
attractive than just her body, it opens you up to being able to experience a new
level of connection with a woman. As I mentioned in the previous tip, you’ll be
amazed to find that being with the right kind of person, rather than the person
who looks the best, will allow you to experience the pleasure of being with
someone whose personality really meshes with yours. This will inevitably make
you and her both more comfortable, allowing you to share openly and honestly
with one another. By doing this you will be able to get inside her mind and really
learn about her.
Now that you can see how much there is about a woman that you can find
attractive and alluring let’s take the time to discuss what this characteristic will
mean to your woman. Not only will she feel more comfortable with you and feel
like she can trust you, but she will feel that you’re not overly critical or
judgmental. That’s very important to them. She’ll also feel that even if her looks
fade with time that there’s still much more about her that you love and appreciate.
She will also feel that the two of you have that in common, since women tend to
look for characteristics in a man like personality, loyalty, honesty and ambition
first, then looks later.
When a woman feels that you’ll accept her and love her just the way she is, she
can envision you being happy with the way she is in the future, too. And with her
feeling this way about you, you will be well on your way to being able to seduce
your woman, mind, body and soul.
5.5 Attitude Counts
The kind of attitude we have affects literally every aspect of our lives. Whether it’s
our work, social life, love life or health, our attitude plays a part in it all. When it
comes to seducing a woman, attitude plays a very big role in how successful, or
unsuccessful you are. If you have a positive attitude you’re more likely to attract
women more easily than a guy with a negative attitude. Being positive and upbeat
shows in nearly everything you do, as does being negative and glum. Women are
much more likely to choose the positive, upbeat guys. Let me take a little time to
explain how attitude affects your success in attracting and seducing a woman.
First, a positive attitude reflects confidence and self respect. As we already
discussed, confidence and self respect are vital. A positive attitude also directly
affects how other people feel when they’re around you. For example, have you
ever had a friend or co-worker who was always down or pessimistic? If you have,
did you notice that after a while his or her mood started making you feel down or
uncomfortable or irritable? Chances are it’s happened to all of them. So
remember, if for no other reason than to not be a dark cloud hanging over
everyone’s head, try your best to be positive and have a good attitude.
But it goes much further than that. When you’re trying to make your best
impression on a woman, being negative will not work. You have to feel good
before you can make anyone else feel good. You have to radiate the same kinds of
feelings you want to receive. If you’re not giving off those positive vibes women’ll
pick up on it and most likely steer clear of you.
As I mentioned earlier, your attitude affects all aspects of your life. If you have a
negative attitude you’re less likely to be successful in many things, including work.
Women like to find a man who’s stable. Part of what we judge stability on is your
work. No, this doesn’t mean you need to be a rocket scientist. It simply means
that if you’re changing jobs every couple of months, or getting let go for poor
attitude or poor performance, which is directly affected by your attitude, then
women are going to think twice before women get involved with you. Remember,
women are looking for a partner; a 50 – 50 relationship.
There’s another way that your attitude can affect your success with women. All
people like to have emotional support in a relationship, but no one likes to be the
sole provider of that emotional support. When women sense that a man has a
negative attitude it makes them wonder if he’s going to be emotionally needy. A
sure way to nix any hope of seducing a woman is to be emotionally needy. It sets
up a child-like image of you in her mind and will make it very difficult for her to
see you as a seductive man.
Now this is not to say that women’ll never be supportive of your emotional needs.
Women like all aspects of their relationship with a man to be as equal as possible.
And women are very willing to lend emotional support, just as women would
expect it from you, too. There just needs to balance in your attitude. Everyone is
entitled to have a bad day now and again. And having a bad day is not going to
doom your chances at seducing them.
Having said all that, there is one more very important role that your attitude
plays in the ultimate seduction of a woman. A good attitude is essential in
communication. In order for anyone to communicate effectively there has to be a
sound rapport between the parties communicating. If your attitude is too
negative there won’t be a good rapport between you and your lady. Without that
rapport it will make it very difficult for any sort of meaningful conversations to
take place. And conversation is so important in seduction.
Imagine that your relationship is moving along nicely. Then, for whatever reason
your lady’s attitude starts changing. All of a sudden she’s not as cheerful as she
used to be. You try to talk to her about it, but she clams up. After a while the
conversations are few and far between. Then you start feeling down. From there
it doesn’t take very long before both of you are feeling miserable and things can
start to fall apart very quickly. And as you can imagine, romance and seduction
would be very unlikely when the two of you are feeling that way.
I’m sure you get the picture. Attitude plays a major role in relationships in all
different stages. Whether you’re still looking for the right woman, you’re in a very
new relationship, or you and your lady have been together for some time, a good
attitude is essential in the overall success that you desire. People look to find
someone whose own personality is going to complement their personality. If the
woman you’re looking for is naturally upbeat and outgoing she’s not going to be
likely to choose you if you’re moody and negative.
Now let’s take some time to examine what you can do if you feel that your
attitude could use some improvement. First, you need to do a little soul-searching
to figure out what it is that’s causing you to feel negatively. Maybe you’re not
happy with your work. Or maybe it’s the fact that you don’t have that special
someone to share your life with. Whatever the reason, dwelling on what you don’t
have or what’s wrong will only serve to feed the negativity in your life. What you
need to do is concentrate on what’s good in your life and use that to build on. You
can even use the list method I explained in an earlier tip to help you sort through
things in your life. List all the things that are good first. And then list all the
things that you’d like to change.
One important bit of advice, don’t try to change everything at once. Set goals for
yourself and work on them one by one. You might be surprised to find that
working on one goal may just help you accomplish another one. Once you start to
feel more positively things tend to fall into place quite nicely. And the positive
attitude you’ll develop is sure to make your life in general a whole lot more
fulfilling.
So as you can see, a positive attitude can go a long way in a relationship and in
seducing your woman. When you radiate positive energy you’re sure to make a
great impression on that special woman. She’ll feel more comfortable and open
when she’s with you. Not to mention it will make her feel that you’re secure and a
good choice for a partner in life. And from there, you’ll soon be on your way to
enjoying the intimate connection that you’ll be able to develop with her.
5.6 Women Want to Feel Special
It’s no secret that women want to feel like they’re special to you. Not just special,
but that they are your one and only woman. You see, women thrive on making
our man feel special. It makes women feel good to make our man feel special,
wanted and desired. However, women want to feel the same way, too.
There are a few mistakes that men make in this department that I’d like to point
out to you. No, I’m not trying to give you a verbal spanking for making these
mistakes. To the contrary, I’m trying to point out what you could do wrong so you
won’t make these mistakes. And believe me, when it comes to trying to seduce a
woman, if you make these mistakes it’s going to be quite difficult to ever get a
chance to seduce her.
Women know that men are very easily visually stimulated, as I mentioned before.
And women do understand that it’s one of those differences that women can’t do
anything about. However, women do believe that a man has the capacity to
control the urge to look at another woman when he’s with them, which brings me
to the first mistake that you’ll want to avoid. When women are with you at a
restaurant, club or just about anywhere, don’t stare at other women. They
understand that women are not the only female on the face of the earth that you
may find attractive, but it’s disrespectful to stare at another woman when you’re
with them. Put yourself in our shoes and think of how you’d feel if women were
the one staring at another man while you’re sitting there next to them. It just
doesn’t feel good.
The next mistake that you’ll want to avoid is paying an undue amount of
attention to another woman when your lady is with you. Again, we know women
are not the only one that’s charming or good-looking, but it’s disrespectful. Not to
mention, it lends the wrong idea. Before long you’re going to have your woman
wondering what your intentions really are. As before, put yourself in our shoes
and think of how you’d feel if the situation was reversed.
Third mistake to avoid, flirting. Never, ever flirt with another woman in our
presence. This is one mistake that could turn into a very ugly scene at a rapid
pace. Not only is this disrespectful, but to many women it’s just plain wrong. The
fact that you would be willing to behave that way with your lady right there is
sure to make them reconsider being involved with you. Ultimately women relate
flirting to the strong possibility of cheating, which is sure to make her feel
defensive. And again, think of how you’d feel if women were the ones doing the
flirting in your presence. I’m pretty sure you’d be hurt, too.
There’s no denying that women don’t like to compete for your attention with
other females. But women also don’t like to have to compete for your attention
with your friends, either. No, I’m not saying that you’re going to have to give up
your buddies just to successfully seduce a woman. What I’m saying is that when
you take women to a barbeque at your friend’s house, don’t ignore them. Women
don’t want to be the center of attention at all times, but women do want you to
pay a little attention to them.
Here’s another little piece of advice for you to keep them feeling special. Always
introduce them, without having to be reminded. There’s nothing that will make
them feel less special or less important to you than if you don’t introduce women
to the people that you know. I’m not saying that you have to throw a party and
invite everyone you know just so that you can introduce women to them.
However, if there’s a party for your company or you and your lady bump into
someone out in town, be sure to introduce her to them. It will make her feel very
special.
Now let’s move on to the little things that you can do to make her feel like she’s
your one and only lady. There’s no need for skywriting or renting space on the
blimp to send a message to the entire city. It’s the simple, little things that you
can do everyday that will make her feel special all the time. Remember, it doesn’t
have to be a special occasion to make your lady feel special. Any time is the
perfect time!
The first thing you can do is to give her your undivided attention whenever
possible. This will make her feel like she’s important to you and that you care
about her. I don’t mean you have to pay constant attention to her. That would be
suffocating and not to mention a ridiculous expectation for anyone.
The next thing you can do is to look at her when you’re talking to her and when
she’s talking to you. It will show her that you’re truly interested in what she’s
saying when she’s talking to you. And when you’re the one doing the talking it
will make her feel like you really want to share what’s on your mind with her. This
is something that you should do no matter who you’re talking to, but it’s often
overlooked with our significant others after a while.
Another great way to make your lady feel special is to hold her hand, give her a
little kiss, or whisper something sweet in her ear when you’re at home or out
together. I don’t mean that you have to constantly be touching or kissing her or
whispering in her ear. But a little affection or endearment every now and again is
sure to make her feel good. And when you’re out with your friends or just out
anywhere the fact that you’re not afraid to show your affection for her in front of
others will make her feel all the more special.
As you can see, the things that you need to do to ensure that you lady really feels
special are not difficult at all. For the most part there’s nothing that requires any
amount of effort or extra thought. In general, it’s a matter of respect and affection.
Although it may take you some time to adjust to some of it, by treating your
special woman the way you would want and expect to be treated will ensure
you’re successful.
When you make your woman feel special she’ll be more trusting and comfortable
will you. It will make it easier for her to open up to you and feel like she can share
her thoughts and feelings with you. She’ll feel like her happiness is truly
important to you and that will give you great partner-potential in her eyes.
The benefit of taking the time and consideration to make your lady feel like your
special one and only woman is that she will reciprocate. Both of you will
inevitably feel special, desired and appreciated. This will make the process of
seducing your woman all the easier, since you will both share common feelings
and will ultimately know where you truly stand with one another and where your
relationship is headed. And when you’re both feeling this way it will help move
your relationship on to the next level, a closer more passionate level.
5.7 Be Sensitive Without Losing Your Manhood
Okay, guys, this is very important. If you are hoping to be successful in the world
of seduction, you're going to have to know how to be sensitive. When a woman
looks at a man, from her unique perspective, one of the key things she sees is how
sensitive you are. It can truly be a pass or fail characteristic. If the lady in your life
doesn't see a sensitive side, she's going to be put off. Personality counts for so
much, especially if you're hoping to go further with a relationship.
To begin with, it's important to understand just what sensitivity is. Sensitivity, or
being sensitive, is just one of those things that's gotten such a bad rap as to make
it virtually a taboo. But false impressions are to blame for that, and women can
dismiss such misconceptions here so they can get on with the business of
becoming a more sensitive man. But what sensitivity really is, in truth, is
responsiveness to things around you. It's a general sense of what's going on.
Unfortunately, some of you may be thinking you've already got it pegged. But
don't think it's just a matter of self-awareness and a general idea of the world
around you. The sensitivity women want in a man goes a bit further. Or, put more
directly, women are looking for a specific kind of sensitivity in men. Here's an
example you're sure to remember from some movie you once saw: a young couple
are walking along a street at night, and the temperature is dropping.
Conveniently, she had forgotten to bring a coat, but he had remembered to bring
his. He notices her shivering, and quickly offers his coat to her, despite his own
need for the coat.
Okay, that's a basic example. But what matters is that the guy was aware of his
girlfriend's need, and he did something about it. Moreover, he made a sacrifice
for her. This is a big deal. When a man can be more concerned about the welfare
of someone else than himself, he's got a chance to impress the ladies.
Let's take that thought a little further now. It's not just some superficial act that
makes for the kind of sensitivity women are looking for in a man. It's really more
a way of life. And it's more than just a generous response to a need. It's also about
understanding feelings, and about being in touch with your own innermost
feelings to the point that you can express them openly. So many men feel they
must always be solid as a rock, never let feelings show, because feelings are
weaknesses. But women don't see it that way. They see the expression of feelings
as a strength to be commended.
If you can understand and express feelings and emotions, great, you're on your
way to making a good impression. Just remember that talking about your own
feelings must be genuine. It's not hard to pick up on a line of, well, you know.
That's another key. Honesty is huge, and it ties right in to the concept of
sensitivity. After all, how sensitive can a person be if they can't be truthful? Lies
are harmful, under any condition, and a sensitive person will know that there is
no reason to fear telling the truth. Being sensitive is all about being in tune with
yourself and with your companion, and not being afraid to show it.
Okay, so we've got the idea of sensitivity down. Now it's time to talk about why
men cringe at the notion of being sensitive. Men, by virtue of our social order,
should be masculine, and sensitivity has often been seen as a threat to
masculinity. It's common to view sensitivity as the line in the sand beyond which
manhood no longer exists. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Don't get
the wrong idea; it's perfectly reasonable to be a bit uncomfortable with sensitivity
at first. But there are ways to get around it, and they're well worth the effort when
you're trying to advance your relationship.
First, remember earlier when I mentioned that sensitivity is all about being in
tune with yourself and with others. Being in tune with yourself simply means
knowing yourself and not being afraid to tell your companion who you are and
how you feel. That doesn't mean you have to become overwrought with emotion.
It just means you should be able to express yourself, your desires and your
dreams. It's not about a departure from your manhood...it's a declaration of who
you are as a man. And it's the same when you show concern for her. You're still a
man, with a man's perspective, and that perspective can be a precious component
of your relationship with her. Talk to her, be open, and be honest, and she'll most
likely appreciate what you have to say, not much to mention she'll appreciate that
you took the time to pay attention to her in the first place. She'll know then that
you're a sensitive person.
So sensitivity in a man can be a great thing, and it can bring with it many rewards.
It'll make the relationship you have go more smoothly, and it certainly won't hurt
you when it comes to seduction. But, as with everything else, things can go wrong.
Be careful though, if you go too far, you may crash and burn. Just because you
open up to your companion doesn’t mean you should obsess over the little things.
It can quickly turn her attention in other directions when she begins to think
you’re whining. And, if you start paying too much attention to too many things,
she’ll begin to think you’re being oversensitive. That can be just as bad as not
being sensitive enough.
The key is finding balance. Make sure you’re focusing on what matters, but know
where to draw the line. To avoid whining, just be careful not to focus on things
that bother you too much. Sure, it’s important that you can tell her if something is
bothering you, but don’t say it repeatedly. Once is enough. Remember that there
are things you cannot change, so those things must be accepted as they are.
Accepting the unchangeable will prevent the risk of whining. Much the same can
be said for over-sensitivity. Noticing too many things, and reacting to them all,
gives the impression that you may be looking for problems. As I said earlier, just
know what’s really important, and don’t pay much attention to the rest. Little
things tend to take care of themselves.
Being a sensitive man is not such a big thing. It certainly seems a bit complicated
at first, but with a little practice, you’ll be just fine. Just keep in mind those few
stumbling points, and know how you plan to avoid them. If you can do that,
you’re headed for great things in your relationship. From the friendship of a
relationship all the way up to the romance of it, sensitivity will serve you well as a
guide toward how to treat that special lady. And remember, how you treat her is
the basis for how she’ll treat you.
5.8 Set the Mood, Don’t Wait for it to Come Along
Nothing makes for a more romantic gesture than one that is made purely for the
sake of romance itself. Confused? Let me explain. When it comes to seducing a
woman if you want to make a really great impression on women then you’ll want
to pull out all the stops and create a romantic date without waiting for a special
occasion. Not to mention there’s no rule that says you have to wait for a certain
day or time.
This particular tip requires knowing a bit about your lady and what she likes and
doesn’t like. But you don’t have to know her like the back of your hand in order to
make a truly romantic evening for the two of you to share. The most important
thing is to consider what you know she finds romantic and then do your best to
create that for her. The very fact that you thought of her and wanted to romance
her out of the blue will really impress her and make her feel truly special.
To give you a hand, let me give you some inside information on some of the
simpler settings and situations that sure to make your special lady feel like she’s
on top of the world. Many of these suggestions would take relatively little time for
preparation. Remember, it’s sometimes the smallest gesture that will really make
a woman feel special. So keep this in mind when you’re reading these ideas.
The first romantic setting is a candlelit picnic in a park or other quiet location.
This is sure to make your lady feel special. There’s no special occasion needed.
This is also easy to put together with a bottle of wine, some cheese, strawberries,
whatever the two of you like. If you have a portable cd player you can bring that
along with a disc of romantic music and you’ll have an evening that the both of
you are sure to remember. Just don’t forget to check the weather and be sure to
bring the blanket!
The next suggestion I have is good for any weather, a nice candlelit meal
consisting of her favorite foods and dessert at your place. When you’re planning
this evening be sure to have soft, romantic music on and a nice bottle of wine.
Her favorite flowers would be an extra nice touch. This meal could be prepared by
you or ordered and picked up from a restaurant. As long as you’ve taken care to
choose what she likes it’s sure to be a huge hit! If your place tends to be a bit
messy, be sure to take the extra bit of time to clean it up so that she’s not tripping
over your tennis shoes or gym bag.
While private settings are nice, women also like going out for a romantic dinner
in a cozy restaurant. A fine idea is to choose a restaurant that has an intimate
setting, candles on the table, dimmed lights and not a lot of noise. If possible,
arrange for a romantic song to be played while you’re there. Try to have
reservations made so that there’s no waiting in line. I would suggest that you
bring flowers for her or have a bouquet of her favorite flowers on the table and a
bottle of wine selected in advance. Be sure to avoid any places that have
televisions on where they can be seen or heard.
There are many other situations that are equally romantic. You don’t have to
choose your place or hers or a classy restaurant or park. You could easily choose
any number of other locations. It could be the first place you went on a date,
which might just be a cozy little mom and pop restaurant. Maybe you want to
take your lady to the beach for a stroll at sunset and then a bite to eat at a cafй
with tables on a balcony or patio.
The important thing to remember when planning a romantic time for the two of
you is that it should be somewhere that you’ll both feel comfortable. To do this
you need to think about what she likes as well as what you like. Try to avoid
places that either of you may have gone with people from previous relationships.
This will definitely undermine the romantic mood you’re going for.
Next you’ll want to be sure that the location you’ve chosen will be intimate. You
won’t want to choose anywhere that will be noisy as this will detract from the
romantic mood you’re trying to set. Avoid places that are crowded areas, too.
Even though it may not be noisy, the hustle and bustle and be very distracting
and won’t lend anything to the intimacy that you want. Once you’ve chosen the
perfect location let your imagination run wild with all the possibilities of romance.
You’re sure to be able to put together a romantic time that the two of you will
never forget.
As you can see, it’s not very difficult at all to plan a romantic get together for you
and your special lady. When you’ve taken the time to get to know her likes and
dislikes, personality and interests it’s actually quite simple to know what she will
find romantic. It’s quite amazing to see how all the work you’ve done really pays
off in planning a special time for your woman.
The most important part of the romantic evening you have will ultimately be the
feeling your lady gets from it. She will be impressed with the very fact that you
took the time to plan it all. She will feel special because you thought enough of
her to do it. The details you put into your evening will make her feel even more
special and will reinforce her knowledge that you pay attention to what she’s
saying and take to heart what makes her happy. Ultimately she’ll know that you
understand her, know her and care about her.
If you’re thinking that this is definitely the way to seduce your woman, you’re
right. Granted, you’re not all the way there yet, but you’re so very, very close. You
can see now that all these tips work together as that guidebook on the path of
seducing a woman. You’ve figured out that in order to seduce a woman you must
understand what she wants in you so you can provide that you know you’ll be
right for her. She needs you to be confident and have self respect so that she’ll
feel sure that you’ll respect her. You can clearly see why you need to know what
you want in a woman, because otherwise you’re basically wandering aimlessly in
a sea of women without having a clue as to what kind of woman you’re
compatible with. You have to be willing to let go of any superficial tendencies you
have in order to see what really makes a woman attractive and will allow you to
have the kind of intimacy that’s essential in seduction. And you must have a good
attitude which includes the ability to be sensitive in order to have a relationship
where you can communicate effectively and compliment one another, allowing
you to have a deep, meaningful connection with each other.
Once you’ve achieved that in yourself and your relationship you’re ready for that
wonderful, romantic evening. After an evening full of romance and intimacy
you’re sure to be inside your woman’s mind and well on the way to seducing her
mind, body and soul.
5.9 Listen More, Talk Less
Communication is such an important factor in all relationships, business and
personal alike, that it should come as no surprise that we need to discuss it here
as well. What is communication, after all? It is the two-way interaction that
occurs, both verbally and non-verbally. What is said with actions is as important,
if not more so, than what is said with words. But here we're going to focus our
attention on the importance of verbal communication and what it will mean for
your relationship. Keep in mind that when I talk about how things affect your
relationship, I'm mainly concerned with your success in the realm of seduction.
Communication with words is something we all do on a daily basis. But, just like
when you're asked to give an impromptu speech, being asked to communicate in
a particular situation just makes many of you cringe, lock up, and find yourself at
a loss for words. Why? Mainly because when you have to think about what to say,
you suddenly become concerned about what you're saying. But if you just let it
happen without any expectations, somehow everything works out a whole lot
better.
That being said, think of your past relationships and where communication failed
you. Was it something you said in a particular conversation that you came to
regret later? Or was it something she said that you either treated as unimportant
or simply didn't hear at all? Or could it have been a time when you should have
said something to her, but didn't, and the results were equally regrettable? Surely
all of these have happened to nearly everyone at one time or another. The trick is
to not let these past failures define how you communicate now and in the future
of your current relationship.
Talking is something we all think about when we hear the word 'communication'.
But, unfortunately, that first thought is the wrong one if you're looking for a good
relationship with potential for romance. Talking will get you nowhere, and worse,
it may cause things to fall backward or even to fall apart. When you talk, you're
expecting someone else to listen. But what about the listener? When does she get
the chance to be heard? That's why it's so much better to change your view from
one of simply talking, to one where you see communication as the carrying on of
a conversation.
Conversations, by even the simplest definition, are all about the two-way
communication where ideas, thoughts, and opinions are not simply expressed,
but shared as well. It's give and take. And isn't that what the whole concept of a
relationship is based on. It's all about exchanges, the giving and the taking by
both you and her. What's more, you'll find that when you give, you get much
more in return. The exchange of a conversation will offer you ever-increasing
rewards, provided you participate in the conversation and give it the importance
it deserves.
The trick to conversation is that you have to be willing to hear things that you
may not necessarily want to hear. If you don't already possess the qualities of
empathy, compassion, concern, and a desire to be helpful, this may be a very
good time for you to start working on developing those qualities. They are vital to
communication, especially when you are communicating in a relationship. If you
want her to develop a trust in you, and remember that trust is crucial if you hope
to succeed with romance, you're going to need the communication skills I've
named in order to let her know you care about what she's saying and that you
want to be there for her.
But wait. There's a problem that comes up far more often than you may realize.
You've probably already experienced it at some point in the past. You're having a
conversation, everything is going well, and then you get stuck on some point you
just can't let go of. You've just derailed the conversation, and now it's just you
talking. Trust me, there are few things that serve as more of a put-off than to have
a conversation turn into a speech all about how one person feels about something.
The exchange has died, and so has the mood. Avoiding this snare is a little tough
sometimes, but it can be done. Just remember that while you are communicating
verbally, she is still communicating physically.
Body language can often be the key to knowing whether you've derailed a good
conversation. A frown on her face may be a good clue that you've said something
to make her uncomfortable. If she starts looking toward the door, or looking at
her watch, you should know what that means. She's losing interest and you'd
better get the conversation moving again. Not always, but most often, her body-
language can be a great guide to how you're doing with the conversation. One of
the most important things to note about body language is that it varies from
person to person. What looks like an expression of discomfort or frustration on
one face may very well be concentration on another.
So body language is certainly not a type of communication you can learn from a
textbook. It is something you're going to have to learn from the individual. Yes, it
is true that some expressions are universal and mean the same thing coming
from anyone, but don't take the risk of misinterpreting those less-obvious
expressions. It's better to just get to know her, and along the way you'll learn
what her body language is telling you. Besides, knowing her body language and
responding to it is an excellent way to show her how much she matters to you and
just how much you're paying attention to her. So, guys, if you want to impress her,
this is one way where you can't go wrong.
Another thing to remember that can serve you well is to not be the one who
always starts the conversation. When you start the conversation, you're the one
picking the topic to talk about. You can't read minds, so chances are you're not
going to hit on the subjects that are going to really catch her interest. This is
another give and take exchange for you to keep in mind. You can start
conversations, sure, but make sure you leave room for her to do the same. It's a
great way to get to know her, and she'll appreciate it.
If you take nothing else from these pages, remember that women want to be
heard. They don't want to be talked to all the time, and never get a chance to
express their own opinions and views with equal time. As you've heard me say
before, it's all about sharing. Relationships are two-way streets, to borrow from a
clichй, and you must be willing to allow traffic to flow down those streets without
interruption. The end result will be well worth the effort. She'll develop a sense of
trust and respect for you that won't come from lecture-style talking. And, once
again, that trust and respect is what will lead you to success in romance and
seduction.
5.10 Find Out As Much As You Can
Grab your pens, paper, and get ready to take notes. Well, maybe not, but studying
skills will certainly be to your advantage if you plan to seduce a woman
successfully. This is one of those hugely important things in a relationship when
you're trying to move things right along to the level of romance. Getting to know
that special woman is about the time you spend with her, and about what you get
from communication, both verbal and physical. And the more you know, the
better your chances. Trust me, if you plan to keep your relationship moving
forward, you are going to have to find out as much as you can about her.
You may recall in previous pages that I kept telling you to get to know her better.
The more you know, the better your chances are to impress her, and even better
are your chances to avoid a major blunder. After all, the last thing you want to do
is to upset her. That's a surefire way to kill your chances for romance. With that
in mind, let's take a look at some of the things you can do to get to know her
better.
Communication. We already discussed this at length, but some of what I said
bears repeating. First, make sure you give her a chance not only to speak, but to
start conversations as well. There is really no better way to get to know her than
through the interaction you'll have with her in conversation. Don't forget: it's the
body language as well as the verbal language that tells you so much about her.
What you learn through all of this communication will serve as a great starting
point, from which you can move on to the following suggestions to fill in any
blanks in your knowledge of her.
The point of all of this is to get to know as much as you can about your woman as
an individual. So many people think that all women or all men like the same
things, which simply is not true. Although there are a good number of things that
women a lot of women have in common, there are an equal number of things that
they don’t have in common. The same can be said for men. For example, if a
woman was to assume that all men love football she’d be wrong. Likewise, a man
would be wrong to assume that all women love cats. Each woman is unique, so
you must take the time to find out what she, as a unique person, really wants
before you can seduce her.
Family and friends can be a valuable source of information when it comes to
finding out more about your special lady. However, I must stress to you that you
shouldn’t put too much stock in what you learn from them without learning as
much as you can from her, first. Many people take for granted that family and
friends know more about a person than anyone else does, but this can often times
prove to be very wrong. You’ll also want to be care when looking to her friends
and family to learn more about her as you may run the risk giving her the
impression that you’re prying into her private life. Many people, male and female,
are very sensitive about this. So be careful to not be overly inquisitive with her
family or friends.
Ultimately, it all comes back to what you can learn about her for yourself. While it
is helpful to get a few tips from her friends, family, and acquaintances, too much
of this type of fact-finding will make her feel more like a suspect in an
investigation. So it's back to what you can find out for yourself. And the best
possible way to do that is to get her in different settings and see what happens.
It's already pretty clear that your relationship is dead in the water if you keep
doing almost the same exact thing on every date. There's a reason for that.
Number one: it's boring. While spending time with each other is the main goal,
you must find different scenes to keep it lively. Number two: it is the change of
scenery, and of situations, which allows you to get to know one another better.
Everyone responds differently in different environments.
Knowing your special lady well is going to require that you be able to understand
her behavior. Behavior alone is a major key to the health of a relationship, and
how she behaves in a restaurant, or at a concert, or down at the beach will be
determined by many different things. To start with, try to pay attention to how
your mood affects her mood. Noticing the way your good day, or your bad day,
affect you, and then how your resulting behavior affects her, will help you
tremendously. Similarly, take note of how she reacts when you're out on a date. Is
there a crowd? Does this bother her, or give her more energy? What's the weather
like? Does she hate the rain, or does she think it has a romantic feel to it?
All of these things will help you to find out more of what you need to know about
your companion so you can keep your relationship moving along in the direction
of romance. But even here I feel the need to add a word of caution. Remember
how I've said that women love to be paid attention to, and how they appreciate it
when you're willing to listen to them in conversation? Well, just remember, they
love it when it's natural and right for the moment. But women hate to be studied
as if they were in a laboratory. Who doesn't? So make sure that you are keeping
with the mood when you ask questions, and that nothing seems really out of place.
Never, never change the subject in the middle of a conversation just to find out
something about her that you don't think you can wait for anymore. It can ruin
the mood, and worse, it can make her suspicious. Regardless of your motives, you
need to make sure that she feels like this is for her more than for you. After all, in
a lot of ways, it is for her. You're trying to break from a past with failed
relationships, and you know that seduction will be a key test of the success of this
one. You don't want anything to go wrong, so exercise caution and restraint when
you try to find out more about her.
Finally, the very best advice I can offer you is that women are all alike in that they
are female, and not much alike in any other way. It may sound silly, but some
people actually make the mistake of stereotyping all women into the world of
pretty flowers and a man who'll open the door for her. It's just not that way. Many
women do love to be treated delicately by a man. But there are some women who
would much rather spend the evening with you at a local rock-climbing gym
before you grab a bite to eat.
It's about having realistic expectations that this woman you're involved with is
unique, and that you know absolutely nothing about her until you've seen it
yourself. Never assume; that's a killer. The first time you assume you know what
she wants, she'll begin to lose that gentlemanly picture of you she'd been building
in her mind. In its place will be an overbearing, chauvinistic man much like all
the others she's dealt with. You really don't want that to happen if seduction is
your goal. Remember, she will appreciate you much more for taking the time and
effort to learn exactly what she likes, wants, feels, thinks and needs because this
is a sure sign that you care, want to understand her and want to make her as
happy and feel as special as you possibly can. And after all, isn’t that what we all
want?
YOUR FIRST DATE AND BEYOND
6.1 Same Situation, Different Perspective
Men and women think, act and decide differently - about everything. As Dr. John
Gray wrote, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. The differences
between how men and women view the dating process are as far apart as the
North and South Poles on planet Earth.
Women thoroughly relish the long swelling waves of romancing that go up and
down in our minds. We feel completely absorbed, engulfed and rejuvenated while
going through the rigmarole of emotional upheavals. We LOVE sailing through
the rough seas of dating and romance.
Men, on the other hand, like less drama, less of an emotional splurge and more
stability. Guys prefer sailing in the tranquility of a rock-steady relationship. They
aren’t necessarily ready to drop anchor and dock their ship but they do prefer
smooth sailing.
Men rush in and latch on to the woman of their life – as if there is no tomorrow –
and the woman is viewing it totally differently. She visualizes pain before
pleasure. Spends time thinking of what the future holds and neglecting how she
can hold on to the present. Exclusivity, monogamy – women yearn for that – but
all at the pace which she sets. The course and speed of the game is decided by her.
You will earnestly desire to quickly end the emotional distress associated with
dating and stabilize the relationship – none of the wildness of dating will make
you happy – you will want to go steady with a single woman. There may be plenty
of reasons for such behavior from men – seeking immediate but temporary
monogamy. Definitely, a faulty understanding of women and wrong assumptions
about how women think and what they believe is one of the main ones.
When you begin dating and continue dating a woman, your adrenalin will rise,
you will get emotionally charged, but if you don't understand the woman’s nature
and expectations, you will fall flat. You will gradually start to lose ground. That
will affect your own sense of pride and self esteem. You will start thinking that
the whole process of dating and romancing is a self-defeating exercise.
The thing is, because you are a man and want the whole meeting and dating thing
to end as quickly and painlessly as possible with the positive outcome of getting
into a stable relationship with one woman; your objective is the very thing that
will cause you not to succeed. A woman who feels like she is being pushed and
hurried into a relationship that she isn’t anywhere near ready for, will dump you
in a New York minute.
The pace and timing of a relationship all depends on the woman. She will set the
pace and you must get in step with her. The dating process has a purpose. The
purpose is for a man and a woman to get to know each other well. The process
needs to conducted in many different settings and under many different sets of
circumstances.
The woman that you are pursuing will want to observe how you conduct yourself
in many different places and at many different events. She will want to determine
whether you are a person she can depend upon to be there when the going gets
tough. She many even break up with you at least once before she decides that you
are the one for her just to see if she cares enough about you that she would miss
you and be lost without you.
Dr. Gray is right - Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But the
difference are what keeps the world going around.
6.2 In Closing
All in all, dating is very much like meeting a prospective client and making a sale
in the business world. The product you are selling is YOU.
No, not your body, of course! But YOU - the person that the woman (client)
would like to date and get to know better.
Just like it would be out in the business world, the first impression is the deal-
maker or breaker. If you produced a product to sell out in the business world that
way dirty and actually smelled bad, you would likely never make a sale. In the
dating world, if you appear dirty, disheveled and unkempt, you aren’t likely to
make a sale there either. First impressions are immediate, long lasting, and
usually permanent.
Regardless of how great you are, and no matter how sweet you can be once
someone gets to know you, the reality is, your dating success will be based almost
entirely upon the other person's initial sense of who and what you are. There are
statistics that bear out the power of first impressions. Statistics show that how we
appear speaks more about us, and is more important, than what we say verbally.
It is a fact that in our personal affairs, as in all our business dealings, we sell
ourselves first. Poor attitude, image, and behavior will adversely affect your
dating success, just as it will negatively affect your success in business.
The initial impression you make on a prospective date predicts whether she will
take the time to get to know you. Dating, as well as business, is all about sales.
You must think of yourself as a product and the person you want to date as the
buyer. Dating is about sales and sales is a numbers game
If you want to multiply your success immediately in dating (or just about
anything else), learn, understand, and embrace the concept behind "the numbers
game." Accept and follow these tenets:
• You are a product.
• You are the product's salesperson, its packager, and its advertiser.
• The person you're trying to attract is your customer. She will
make her buying decision based upon presentation, packaging, and
advertising.
• The world's best salespeople don't have a 100 percent sales rate,
a 75 percent rate, a 50 percent or even a 25 percent rate. The world's best
salespeople are lucky to maintain a 10 percent sales rate and count
themselves lucky if one out of every ten "pitches" results in a sale. So you
aren’t a loser when she isn’t buying…you are a victim of statistics.
The single most important quality that women want in a date is self-
confidence. Confidence is the key attribute that all professional salesmen must
possess in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from
someone who has no confidence in themselves or the products they represent. A
confident person is one with a plan and a goal.
Analyze the competition and do things better than they do. Just as you would
study a competitor in business or a rival sports team, study your dating
competition if you want to win!
Now you have what it takes to be a player in your own rights and fully equipped
with top-notch seduction secrets under your sleeve. Remember, it takes some
practice but ultimately, you can now win yourself a woman you’ve always wanted!
So all the best and to your first dating success!
If after you begin dating, have dated several different women and every
relationship seems to end after only a short time, it’s time for you to do a reality
check. There are certain behaviors that turn women off in a hurry and you need
to make certain that you aren’t doing any of them.
1. Clingy and needy behavior will send a woman running for the nearest exit.
If you send out signals to the woman that without her you will perish,
since you feel so very insecure, it is surely going to put her off. Like calling
her a million times, feeling envious of her friends, resenting all or anything
that she does with anyone else other than you, are behaviors which
completely thwart a woman’s sense of freedom and she will vanish at the
first available opportunity.
2. Being too pushy will send a woman scurrying for cover. If you are like a
bulldozer, just flattening every obstacle that stands between you and what
you want, a woman will be afraid of you and she won’t want to be with you.
3. If you are a bragger and a boaster, she will dump you in a heart beat.
Women truly hate this. She might be temporarily impressed with your
bravado, but with your continuous narration of “I” stories – she will surely
get bored. And most of all, don’t you think you should hold her interest by
giving out details part by part and not the whole thing in one sitting?
4. Displaying a violent temper is a behavior that women find frightening. A
controlled behavior is the sign or a refined person. A woman can not have
faith in someone who loses his temper or blows up frequently. She will be
in awe of you but you can not win her confidence.
5. Being indecisive and passive is a big turn off for women. Women feel very
secure when her man is able to make prompt decisions, stick to his
decisions and when he displays other leadership qualities. You will be
giving out the signal of being in control of situations, being able to provide
for her.
6. Don’t be tight fisted and stingy. This doesn’t mean that you shower her
with expensive gifts all the time, but if on a date or in a restaurant…be
prepared to foot the bill. Chivalry still pays.
7. Don’t behave defensively. If for some reason, you find the woman is in a
foul mood, don’t act defensive and think her bad mood is your fault. Be
sympathetic, understanding and listen to what she has to say.
8. Appear to be relaxed and at ease with yourself. Women find it a pleasure to
be with a relaxed, calm and behaviorally controlled man. Practice the art of
self-discipline.
9. Don’t try to hard. When you look like the proverbial the eager-beaver,
desperate to please, she starts to get wary and skeptical.
10. Don’t have sex on the brain. It is perfectly alright to have sex in your mind.
It is natural and women have that thought too. But if you approach her
with this as the sole agenda of meeting her, she will run for her life, and
you will not even get a second chance.
Recommended Resources
Space4Love.com
Reknown online dating service world-wide. Over 20 Million Members
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
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1 comment:
Good one. Interesting. Read more: http://matrimonyxpress.bharatmatrimony.com/2008/09/singles/relationship-advice-reading-mens-body-language/
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