Dating After Divorce

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Dating After Divorce - How Age Plays a Role in the Kids' Reactions to Your Dating


Dating after a divorce will receive mixed reviews from your kids. A big reason for this variance will have to do with the age of your children. Why? Because they are at different developmental stages. Let's take a look at some of the reactions you can expect.

Ages 7 and under

These children are young and rather resilient. But, as is the case with any of these age groups, they've gone through a lot of changes in rapid succession. While children at this age may not voice unhappiness with your dating, you may notice regressive behaviors such as thumb sucking, potty training issues and an increase in temper tantrums.

Kids at this age are not old enough to fully verbalize fear or anger about what's happened and happening to their family so they act it out. On the other hand, these children are less likely to realize that you are "dating" right away. They may just think you're meeting a "friend" and are content with that. This lack of awareness allows you more time to find someone you are serious about before any major resistance may occur.

Ages 8-11

These children are able to express themselves a little more. You may begin to get some flack from
these kids about going out. They will know they are uncomfortable but still may not be able to label
it as a specific emotion. The resistance will likely come out in grouchy, non-compliant behavior.
A plus for kids at this age is if you're dating partner has children roughly the same age. If the relationship becomes serious and your partner begins to meet your children, this can be a big plus. Children at this age are very social. They may look at your partner's child as a playmate and be more comfortable with you dating if they are able to spend time with this new friend.

Tweens & Adolescents

I'm sure this won't come as a shock to anyone but this is the age where you will encounter the greatest resistance. By nature, this age group is very self-centered. The world revolves around them and their needs. If those needs aren't met or if they think they those needs are being threatened, they will lash out. Be prepared for this as a possibility.

It's doubly important for you to make sure you don't focus too much of your time and energy on a new relationship when you have children in this age group. Does that mean you're not allowed to have a life? No, but some people find it hard to balance parenting and dating. Remember those friends you stopped hearing from whenever they were in a relationship? Perfect example. They were not good at managing both relationships. As a parent, that's not an option.

Adult Children

Their reaction has a lot do with how long you've been divorced. If a big portion of their time growing
up was spent with their parents divorced, then they may be encouraging you to get out there and date.
They'll want to see you happy. If however, the divorce happened after they moved out and became an
adult, you're more likely to experience mixed reactions. They have the image of an intact family pretty ingrained in their heads. Seeing their parent's apart and with someone else can be especially difficult.

No matter how old your children are when you choose to begin dating after divorce, be prepared for some discomfort. It seems weird. It also is a firm statement

that you are NOT planning on reconciling with their other parent. While that may seem like a weird
statement, research shows that most children of divorce - no matter what age - cling to the hope that
their parents might get back together.
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